You do what? (Part 2)

Before I continue with Part 2 I have to explain where this is going.  A lot of you are probably wondering what gay man I'm referring to in my description of my blog: "This is the story of how a small town girl's world was shaken when she met a gay man."  I'm writing the stories of my first experiences with the GLBT community to give ya'll an idea of how I evolved into who I am today.  Obviously I've had other friendships and relationships that have helped me grow through the years, but the stories I'm sharing here are directly related to my life as a "lover of the gays".

Todd and I had a lot of fun together, there was never a dull moment, but our relationship was also strange.  Early in the relationship Todd let me in on a very personal secret of his, he enjoyed dressing in woman’s clothing.  Imagine the swarm of thoughts that went through my head when he told me this...you're probably thinking some of the same things.

Todd told me that his cross-dressing was something that he only did in the privacy of his own home and that I would never have to see it unless I wanted to.  He told me that it is actually pretty common that straight men enjoy wearing women's clothing, specifically undergarments.  Of course I jumped online to research this strange behavior and found that it is quite common.  He told me that there were only a few select people in his life that knew his secret and asked me to keep it as well.  At first I was disgusted and completely turned off, I didn't know if I wanted to continue a relationship with Todd.  After a few weeks it was almost as if I had forgotten about it because we didn't discuss it and like he said, I never saw him in women's clothing.  It didn't even come up in conversation when we made the decision to move in together.

One night, after a long day of work, I returned home to find Todd napping on the couch in the living room.  He was wearing workout shorts and a tank top that was hiding two protruding peaks.  I was completely caught off guard.  The feeling of disgust returned.  I turned around and went upstairs to my bedroom, turned on the TV, and tried to forget about what I saw.  Maybe if I forgot it wouldn't be real.  About an hour later Todd knocked on the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure.  What's up?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"  I said, trying to hide the fact that I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"I know you saw me in drag and I'm sorry."

This started a very length conversation which consisted mostly of me just asking A LOT of questions.  I could understand a man feeling like a woman and wanting to dress in women's clothing, but these men liked men, basically a woman trapped in a man's body.  This was the first time that my eyes were opened to the fact that labels only exist to the people who create them for themselves and that not everyone fits into a category.  After our lengthy conversation Todd could still tell that I was uncomfortable with his private secret.  He told me that he would try and be more careful.  I accepted his difference, but I just could not bring myself to want to see him in drag.

Our relationship continued without any "mishaps" until the night of Todd's birthday.  He was the type of guy that didn't like people to make a big deal out of his birthday and didn't ask for any gifts.  So, me and some of his friends decided to take him on a blind bar hopping trip.  He was blindfolded as we drove around to all of his favorite bars and had a drink or two.  It was a lot of fun, but he knew where we were every time we pulled into a different parking lot.  The night came to an end and Todd told me that there was one thing he did want for his birthday.  He wanted me to see him in drag and allow him to sleep with me that way.  I had a lot to drink that night so I hesitantly agreed.

Our relationship was never the same.  We fought about the stupidest things, our sex life was non-existent, and I stopped using the "L" word (and I don't mean lesbian).  One afternoon our fight escalated to the point where I told him that it was over and he had two days to get all of his things out of my house.  He left me in the middle of an anxiety attack, on the kitchen floor gasping for breath.  The next day he returned and took all of his things with him.  I didn't talk to him for a few months.

After things had calmed down and I moved on from our hectic relationship I picked up the phone and sent Todd a text.  We started to talk again and were able to become friends.  He has since found a relationship with someone who accepts him for who he is and found the courage to tell his family and close friends about his secret.  I am happy that he was finally able to find peace with the people that he surrounds himself with.  I completely accept him for who he is, but still couldn't see myself dating someone who dresses in drag.  It comes down to attraction and I can't find myself attracted to a man in women's clothing.