When gay goes wrong

I am not gay and for that reason I can never understand what it is like to be gay, specifically the process of acceptance that people have to go through.  Before they can get to place where they feel comfortable sharing their sexuality with others, they must come to accept it within themselves.  When people are surrounded by hate, bigotry, and ignorance it can be just as hard to accept it within themselves as it is to come out to the world.

One of my readers was brave enough to share an experience she had with a gay man who struggled with this acceptance.  This man took advantage of her sexuality (straight) to hide his own from his family.  Maybe he couldn't accept it within himself, maybe he was scared of what his family might think, maybe he was just taking advantage of another human being for the sake of companionship.  Whatever his reason, it is a prime example of when gay goes wrong.

This story was rewritten by me to protect the identity of my reader:

About five years ago I met a man that completely swept me off my feet.  I had never felt this way about anyone before.  After a few months of dating, he asked me to marry him and move to live near his family in Boston.  I nervously and excitedly said yes.  What should have been the beginning of a new life for us ended up being the beginning of the end.


When we moved to Boston I took the first job I could get at a department store.  One day a guy came to pay at my register.


"You have a weird accent" he said.  Being from the north, I got that a lot.


"So do you" I said, commenting on his thick Bostonian accent.


We both laughed and he asked me where I was from.  I told him I was from Ontario, Canada.


"That's cool, the guy I'm dating just moved to here from Ontario.  Maybe you know each other."  I always hated when people think I should know everyone from Ontario because I grew up there, come on people, Ontario is huge!


I kept the conversation going while I scanned his clothing.


"When did your boyfriend move here?" I asked.


"It was just a few months ago.  Him and his best friend moved down together.  I haven't met her, but I guess she's a pretty cool chick."


"Where do they live here in Boston?"  I didn't mean to sound so prying, but I couldn't help but be curious since me and my boyfriend had arrived around the same time.


"They live a couple miles from here in the Cottage Square Apartments."


My mind went completely blank, that's where me and Dan lived.  I tried to keep my cool.


"How did you meet him?"  The guy didn't even notice that our conversation had become an interrogation.


"We met years ago but he moved away and we kind of lost touch.  Now that he's back in town we are back together.  Do you want to see a picture of him?"


The guy pulled out his cell phone and showed me a picture of them, eyes closed, kissing softly.  It wasn't the kiss that I noticed right away though, it was the monkey tattoo on "Danny's" right bicep.  Dan got a punk rock monkey tattoo on his right bicep back in Ontario.


I wanted to grab the guys phone, chuck it and break all the dish ware across the isle from my counter.  I wanted to deny the obvious, but could I really convince myself it was all a coincidence?

When I got home that night I want to scream at the top of my lungs and punch Dan in the face.  I felt betrayed and confused.


"I had an interesting day at work today.  I met a guy buy the name of Josh.  He said that he knew you."


"Yeah, I have a friend Josh."


"Are you sure he's just a friend?"


"What do you mean?"


"Well he showed me a picture of him and his boyfriend.  His boyfriend had the exact same tattoo as you."


Dan's face turned white.


We stood there just looking at each other.  Dan started to speak and when he did, it was word vomit, he couldn't stop.  He just laid it all on the table.


"I never meant to hurt you...I'm so sorry...He is my boyfriend...I love him and we have been together for a while...I'm so sorry."


I couldn't breath, I couldn't speak, I didn't speak.  I found out that the monkey tattoo was actually supposed to be Josh.  I found out that Dan had given Josh a ring, Dan didn't even give me a ring when he proposed.

I started packing that night and emptied my bank account to purchase the first plane ticket back to Ontario.


I have since met someone that I love who is honest with me.  I was never angry with Dan for being gay, I was more upset that he was unfaithful and dishonest.  He broke my heart for no reason but to use me as a cover up so that his family didn't know about his sexuality.

Thanks for sharing this story, I'm sorry that you had to go through it.  Just like any break up or bad relationship I hope you found strength from it.

If anyone else wants to share a story that you think would fit with my blog, please let me know, I would love to share it.