Fag Hags: The Backbone of the Gay Community

Sorry everyone, I'm suffering from some major writers block.  I promise to have an original entry within the next seven days.  Thanks for understanding and sticking with me.  :)

Reposted from MySpace.  Originally written June 4, 2008

I'm sitting here wondering what to blog about because I'm bored. I thought that it might be interesting to explore my current life as a Fag Hag. Obviously my only research on the topic was done online so I can't say how reliable my sources really are. 

The term Fag Hag comes from two derogatory labels that, when said in their original terms, are not pleasant. Fag: a word most often used in an offensive way to describe a gay or effeminate male. Hag: a word most often used to describe a dried up, old, or bitchy women. When these two words are put together they seem to cancel each other out. Some Fag Hags truly hate the term, "I must admit, I hate the word Fag Hag. In fact I hate the concept. I usually think of a ditzy, brainless straight girl who loves shopping and makeup and hangs around gay clubs slobbering over gay men and being rude to the lesbians…Fag Hags have a bad reputation in my mind and I don't wish to be one" says aquariusbird in an online discussion board. She goes on to say that even though she hates the term, she is still one and proudly wears the tag. A true Fag Hag doesn't mind the term and sometime finds it endearing even though there are other terms that could be used such as homo honey, fairy godmother, flame dame, fruit flies, queen magnets and even a swish dish.

The definition of Fag Hag, according to About.com, is "A woman drawn to a gay man's company." This is a true definition, but I believe it is so much more. According to this definition it seems as if a "hag" is just a female that has gay friends and prefers them over other sexes/sexual orientation. However, I believe that the term Fag Hag should be reserved for a special group of females that soar above just a "girl with a gay friend". There are plenty of women who search out gay men because of what they see and experience in pop culture (it's the cool thing to do) or the women who try to become a Fag Hag because they feel that straight men do not except them. According to Fag Hags – A Social Analysis, there are also "converters" who believe that being gay is just a phase and gay men just need to find the right girl. According to some, all of these descriptions fall under the term "Fag Hag".

What does make a true Fag Hag? Margaret Cho wrote, in "On Being a Fag Hag", that "…we are from all walks of life, all classes, all ages, all races; straight, lesbian and somewhere in between. We are as diverse as we are numerous. The common bond that we share is our alliance with gay men, a connection that is both nurturing and powerful, sweet and sour, retail and wholesale…we are important. We are the backbone of the gay community…" (Quick shout to the queen of the Fag Hags…Margaret Cho!!!) We are not just "girls with gay friends", we are a part of something that extends beyond what society thinks of as "normal", we may find our soul mates in gay men, we are ok with the fact that others may never understand our position, we are alienated for our position, we are loved unconditionally and return that love, we are more catty than other females because we've got the backing of our "gays", we are mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives. All of these things and more.

I truly hope that this little study has helped some of my friends and family understand what it actually means to be a Fag Hag and maybe they will be able to accept my position as one.

Love,
Chye
P.S. I have to include a few snippets of the "Adventures of Chye and Leo":
Well….
D.O.!
Girls aren't the only ones that can do it.
Screaming like a man.
Drunk peepers.